


Fuckin' Mattresses

by ialpiriel



Series: The Doofus Noodle Gets Up To Shit [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: F/F, Humor, Recreational Drug Use, The Princess and the Pea - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4557561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ialpiriel/pseuds/ialpiriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the courier and christine get high and talk about mattresses. it's a good time all around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuckin' Mattresses

**Author's Note:**

> this is in my "dlc shenanigans" series but its...not really a dlc shenanigan tbh. kinda is. obliquely. but not really.  
> theoretically set sometime post-dead money, but i couldnt tell you when. tbh, idk and idc

“Who needs…who needs this many _beds_ ,” Six murmurs. She’s mostly naked, next to Christine, who’s also mostly naked. The thermostat in the suites still works, which Six seems to find alternately hilarious and baffling. Baffling, when she’s sober. Times like now, when they’re both stoned out of their gourds on Buffout, just for the thrill of it, she thinks it’s hilarious. She thinks everything is hilarious. “They’re all just fucking… _there_. You ain’t gonna use more’n one bed at a time, yeah? Unless you’re maybe, like, makin’ a mattress fort. I don’t think starlets make mattress forts though. Did Vera Keyes make mattress forts?” she asks the ceiling, then bursts into giggles. “Do you make mattress forts?” she stage-whispers to Christine, and giggles again. “I was the best mattress-fort-maker in the Yard, I bet I could teach you to make a mattress fort that all the holograms’ll be real fuckin’ jealous of.”

Six is grinning, and its so big and goofy that Christine can’t help but smile back.

“I don’t think you need to do that,” she tells Six, who _hmmmm_ s and rolls over so she can lean on her elbow and study Christine. Six looks like she took a shot of something else to wash the Buffout down--Med-X? Jet? a Super Stimpak? maybe just a bottle of beer, or maybe nothing at all--her pupils blown wide even for the dim light of the suites, her eyelids at half-mast.

“What if,” Six murmurs, and throws one arm over Christine, to brace herself as she leans down to press her nose against the skin beneath Christine’s ear. She breathes deeply before she continues. “We stacked all the mattresses on top of each other, and then stuck a bullet under the bottom one, an’ then we tested if we could feel it.”

“What?” Christine laughs.

“’S a Pre-War story, yeah? Fancy Lady stacks all these fuckin’ mattresses on top each other, right, and then her boyfriend’s mom’s a stuck-up ass who doesn’t believe she’s _really_ a Fancy Lady, so she sticks a bullet underneath the fuckin’ mattresses, and if the Fancy Lady can feel the bullet, then she’s a real Fancy Lady, but if she can’t shes just a caps-grubbin’ shit.”

“Sounds like you hit the Buffout too hard,” Christine replies, turns her head enough that Six gets the cue and leans to kiss her.

“Nah, nah, I swear it’s a real story. Cause Fancy Lady can feel the bullet and asshole mom is just like. ‘Ohhhhh you’re a real fancy lady! You c’n marry my son! We’re honored!’” Six’s voice jumps up an octave to imitate the mother. “If she c’n feel a bullet through a stack a mattresses, they’re shitty fuckin’ mattresses.”

“Are they ‘fuckin’ mattresses’ or ‘fucking mattresses?'” Christine asks, changing her inflection. Six pauses for a moment to compute, then bursts out laughing.

“That’s the sort of question I like,” she replies. “I ‘unno. Maybe we should try them out?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Christine agrees, and rolls Six over onto her back.


End file.
